I’m staying at the house of a friend of a friend whilst they’re off on tour with Ariana Grande. I take care of Mabel, who is a 9 year old corgi, and Grimm, the random stray cat that lives on the porch. Obviously, the owner needs regular updates as to the state of their livestock. Obviously, I burned through all the small talk and “Mabel continues to be a dog today” updates a while ago. All I can think to do is to rip off @cleolonglegs: